Learning? Settling? WTF?

People say 'Everything happens for a reason.' These people are usually women. And these women are usually sorting through a break-up. It seems that men can get out of a relationship without even a 'Goodbye,' But, apparently, women have to either get married or learn something.--Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City

An end to another relationship (if you can even call it that.) In all reality, we weren't "dating" that long, 4 months, and were still getting to know each other so I know that it's not losing him that I'm upset about, it's having to start over in the relationship search...again. And really, I don't know that I've ever really been "searching," I met this one at Rainbow, not exactly a meat market. I'm more of the mind set that if I meet someone, I meet someone but I'm not crazily trying to find a man. Maybe that's my problem!

It wasn't all but a year ago that I wanted nothing to do with settling down or being committed so what the hell happened in the last year to make me feel differently? Turning 30? One of my besties getting married? Going to my 24 year old friends wedding and being one of the very few single girls there among her early 20ish year old friends? Meeting someone I could potentially see myself getting serious with? I can't pinpoint it but god dammit, I was a lot happier when I didn't want to settle down.

Of course this all happened whilst I was work, leaving me no room to be emotional. To deal with this, I reached out to the girls. They came back with; this relationship happened for me to "learn" something. Hence the SATC quote. And maybe that is why this happened, I of course am not sure what it is I'll be learning from this and maybe I'll ever know. But why is it that at the end of relationships, there has to be a grand reason or we have to learn something. Is that true? Or is it just a way to cope?

I can't help but have a pity party for myself and wonder didn't I learn enough when my 8 year relationship ended? Hasn't my heart ached enough? Haven't I suffered enough? It took me along time after that relationship to mend my heart and want to put myself out there again. So, here I am battered and bruised but not ready to give up...quite yet.

I know I could find someone and get married but I don't want to find "someone," I don't want to settle. There have been opportunities where I could've put my heart to the side and settled just to be in a relationship. I do have faith that God has a plan for me and believe that a relationship and maybe even marriage is part of that plan. The question is, how do I stay sane while I wait? ;)