Learning? Settling? WTF?

People say 'Everything happens for a reason.' These people are usually women. And these women are usually sorting through a break-up. It seems that men can get out of a relationship without even a 'Goodbye,' But, apparently, women have to either get married or learn something.--Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City

An end to another relationship (if you can even call it that.) In all reality, we weren't "dating" that long, 4 months, and were still getting to know each other so I know that it's not losing him that I'm upset about, it's having to start over in the relationship search...again. And really, I don't know that I've ever really been "searching," I met this one at Rainbow, not exactly a meat market. I'm more of the mind set that if I meet someone, I meet someone but I'm not crazily trying to find a man. Maybe that's my problem!

It wasn't all but a year ago that I wanted nothing to do with settling down or being committed so what the hell happened in the last year to make me feel differently? Turning 30? One of my besties getting married? Going to my 24 year old friends wedding and being one of the very few single girls there among her early 20ish year old friends? Meeting someone I could potentially see myself getting serious with? I can't pinpoint it but god dammit, I was a lot happier when I didn't want to settle down.

Of course this all happened whilst I was work, leaving me no room to be emotional. To deal with this, I reached out to the girls. They came back with; this relationship happened for me to "learn" something. Hence the SATC quote. And maybe that is why this happened, I of course am not sure what it is I'll be learning from this and maybe I'll ever know. But why is it that at the end of relationships, there has to be a grand reason or we have to learn something. Is that true? Or is it just a way to cope?

I can't help but have a pity party for myself and wonder didn't I learn enough when my 8 year relationship ended? Hasn't my heart ached enough? Haven't I suffered enough? It took me along time after that relationship to mend my heart and want to put myself out there again. So, here I am battered and bruised but not ready to give up...quite yet.

I know I could find someone and get married but I don't want to find "someone," I don't want to settle. There have been opportunities where I could've put my heart to the side and settled just to be in a relationship. I do have faith that God has a plan for me and believe that a relationship and maybe even marriage is part of that plan. The question is, how do I stay sane while I wait? ;)

The Wedding!

My boo got married this weekend...it was so great! Everything turned out so well, I think the only issue was that there was no AC in the room that the ceremony was in. It was torture, I've never seen so many people dripping in sweat! I mean we're talking a code blue swamp ass situation. Other than that, it was wonderful.

Mindy stayed with Cindy and I in our room Friday night. We had so much fun giggling and talking. I felt like I was 13 again. Saturday was the big day and of course flew by. It was hot, hot, hot! Which is actually quite amusing since Mindy hates the heat and sweating, hence the reason she chose to have her wedding in September. She had a photo booth, which I've always wanted for my wedding...(if I can ever force someone to marry me) it was so fun! The dude was late and then spilled on the equipment so it didn't always work but other than that it was nice. I of course proceeded to drink more than enough but managed to accomplish my personal attendant duties...which wasn't the easiest after several Captain diets!

Lots of tears were shed...Christ, I cried at the rehearsal dinner, (Dusty's thank you to me was so sweet), cried when she put the dress on, then they wanted to have pics taken when they first saw each other and have a moment alone so I was the photographer for that. Lord knows why since I'm the most emotional one. It was the most adorable moment ever...I finally asked them if I could be done taking pics because I was crying too hard. Cried when her dad and Kylene sang during the ceremony. Cried during their dance. Then I got drunk and stopped crying.

Everyone looked gorg...Mindy and Dusty were so happy and thankful! Now those assholes are in Puerto Vallarta! Speaking of which, Mindy gave me a bunch of her stuff to hold onto on the wedding day, including her driver's license. She never took it back and I forgot I had it, so last night when I was literally comatose from exhaustion, she called and asked me to meet her in Woodbury since they were leaving at the crack o' ass this morning for their honeymoon. She's lucky I love her cuz my lazy ass wanted nothing to do with driving last night. Really I felt like hanging up on her but decided Jesus wouldn't like that.

Click on picture to enlarge

Fry Girl

Every person that starts at McDonalds has to work in a restaurant for a day, my day was last Thursday. It shined new light onto what I thought happened behind the scenes at fast food places. I didn't have to do too much with food but I did handle the fries for a couple hours. It was quite the experience. A couple things I took away from my experience.

*The floors are extremely slippery, I actually had to put different shoes on because I couldn't get any traction in the ones I was wearing. It's literally like walking on tile covered with Crisco. Ew.
*The fry baskets are heavy
*The assembly lines are nothing like I expected
*I love the ketchup and mustard squirters
*The pop machines are computerized
*It's smelly and hot
*I reached a new level of pain in my feet and legs
*I love working in an office more than anything in the world

OBAMA

On Saturday, September 12, I had the opportunity to go see president Obama speak at the Target Center about Healthcare. I went with my friend Becky, I asked her to go, she's the only person I know that would deal with the chaos of the day just to see Obama. We had a blast! We definitely had luck on our side that day, parking, lines, etc....everything was a breeze! We also got great seats! His speech was empowering, moving, inspirational...that man is amazing. He has some great ideas for the state of healthcare, I hope he can put them into action. Having been without insurance several times in my life, it was a great topic for me to listen to.

I think the coolest part was the atmosphere...everyone was so happy and friendly, there was lots of love in the air!

Ride or Die

I have many acquaintances but I hold a small group of friends very close to my heart. They're the type of friends that you'd cut a bitch for. Well one of my near and dear is walking down the aisle next weekend. It's my closest friend to get married and I don't know why but it's so weird to me.

We've been friends for awhile and when she was single we hit it hard, drinking, man huntin etc. Then one fine day she happened upon one of the good guys left out there and there was no looking back. She's a totally different person now and happier than I've ever seen her. There were times that I didn't know if our friendship would continue and now, I couldn't imagine my life without her. I'm so grateful that I get to be a part of her big day.

I've had plenty of time to adjust to her not being single but there's something about her actually getting hitched that's so crazy to me. It's a new chapter, a huge chapter in her life, one that I have yet to start. Marriage is so monumental to me, it's such a huge commitment and to see someone so close to me do it, I'm a little in awe.

So even though she's beginning a new journey, that doesn't involve man huntin', she'll be my boo forever and I'll always ride or die for her.

A True Minnesotan?

What is it about the MN State Fair that makes me want to vomit? Is it the crowds, the smelly animals, the people who smell worse than the animals, people who don't know how to walk correctly, the little brats running around crying and screaming, the hot sun, the massive amounts of money you spend on food that's going to kill you, or that everything is on a stick? (Which, seriously what is with deep frying everything? I don't like breading maybe that's my issue. Ew.) I don't know, there's so many reasons I can't really just pick one.

Sometimes I think I have such disdain for it because I suffered a childhood trauma at the fair. My dad made my brother and I go in that god damn haunted house. Now, mind you, my brother and I were scared of EVERYTHING growing up and unfortunately some of that has carried over into adulthood. So making us walk through it with him was the cruelest thing my dad could've done. This was when they could still touch you in haunted houses, when the guy started up his chain saw and grabbed me, I seriously think I sharted. By the end, I was sobbing and had been holding onto my dads shorts so tightly that I pulled them down.

I haven't been to fair in almost 10 years, I really have no desire to go. Every year I say I should go, it's what you do if you live in Minnesota right? For a split second I pondered going this weekend but I think that was because I'm on a diet and I'd have an excuse to cheat. Then I realized that I'd rather clean the litter box.

So, maybe I'm not a true Minnesotan and I'm just fine with that.